


Loving Embrace.

by annie_whobug



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:42:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annie_whobug/pseuds/annie_whobug
Summary: A memory of a first kiss and talk of little toes.





	Loving Embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie this incredibly self-indulgent but I don't care. This is basically after everything has calm down some what but Nikolai and Zoya got married and I'm happy and they're not sad.

Zoya genuinely believed that she had been listening to everything her husband had been saying but all of a sudden he was sitting in front of her on their bed saying, "don't you agree," she realised she had not, in fact, been listening. Her eyes went wide and cheeks began to flush an embarrassing shade of pink, she faltered and Nikolai noticed, "my dear you haven't listened to a single thing I just said have you?" Nikolai couldn't help but grin slightly and this did nothing but infuriate Zoya, "I was listening to the first bit but when I realised that it wasn't very interesting I gave up," Zoya's tone was teasing but Nikolai wasn't finished having fun, "oh you were listening? what was the first thing I said?" the blond King's face had an air of amusement that Zoya did not appreciate. Sometimes she wishes that he would just relent and not keep up the charade but that was not one of Nikolai's character traits. Nor was it one of Zoya's traits to be so forgiving when it comes to Nikolai's teasing, "Nikolai when you go on about trivial things like what David said about your hair or how Tolya wasn't letting you win in sparring its easier to tune out than to pretend I care," Zoya knew she'd gone too far, knew that she didn't mean it. Zoya cherished these moments between herself and the clever little fox, the ones where he had no namesake, where he was truly himself. Not the privateer or the King of Scars, he was simply her Nikolai. She raised her head slightly to catch a glimpse of him, waiting for the fury that followed but none did. He had this sad look on his face, he looked hurt and she had caused it. Perhaps a few years ago when they were both skipping around the feelings they had, causing him to look hurt would mean very little to her but now, it hurt her just as much. She threw her blankets off her legs, as she did he turned his back to her so she was standing behind him. She lifts her hands up to stroke the tops of his arms and places her check against the center of his back, she can feel his heart beating in his chest, feel the warmth radiating off him, feel how secure he is. Her hands snake round to his chest and she holds him tight feeling the even rise and fall of his chest, "I'm sorry Nikolai, I didn't mean any of that," she barely speaks above a whisper even though there's no one else in the room and no chance of her apology being heard by anyone else other than who it was intended for, "I know darling," Nikolai says just as quietly, "sometimes though I really do think that's how you feel," once again this was said even quieter. Zoya had made a mistake. Nikolai was the most important person to have ever existed in her life, she loved him more than she would ever admit nor did she ever know she was capable of loving someone that much- and he thought she didn't care. Zoya turned to face Nikolai and forced his eyes to look at her, "do you remember last week before we fell asleep you were going on and on about if you had been born ginger, would people still think you were handsome, and then you started falling asleep and you never finished that conversation," the corner of his mouth started twitching up slightly, "or when we had just gotten back from that painfully dull state dinner and we were getting ready to retire for the night when we somehow got onto the subject of what David would never live without and you kept on saying a pencil and paper but I never asked why I just kept smiling and walking around the room whilst you thought out loud," Nikolai's smile was established now and his arms were winding themselves around Zoya's waist. The way her head rested meant that Nikolai could place his chin lightly on top of her head, "I never think you're listening," Nikolai said as he raised a hand and twisted one of her raven locks in between his fingers, "Nikolai I'm always listening, its my privilege to be loved by you and I want to reap all of the benefits," she raised her head to look at his face only to see his eyes looking wet, "Nikolai whats wrong? Did I say something wrong?" she actually felt slightly panicked. Nikolai shook his head and laughed, "my beautiful wife, who knew you could be so soft," she was going to rebut him when he raised his hand up and cupped her face kissing her softly as she returned the loving embrace. 

Once they had settled down into their bed and Zoya's head was once again nestled up to Nikolai's chest, hearing his heart. Zoya had begun to realise that Nikolai's heartbeat calmed her, it brought her back to earth when she had nightmares, it grounded her in tense treaty talks. Even if it wasn't pressed up against her ear she could still hear it across the room. Nikolai was absentmindedly stroking her hair when he said, "I realise now that I'm always talking but it seems my dear that you are the silent observer," she raised her head slightly to get a look at his face, "why don't you tell me what you're thinking," Nikolai purred. Zoya was not stupid, Zoya knew once again what Nikolai was doing, "wouldn't you like to know Nikolai," Zoya smiled, "tell me Zoya," Nikolai slid his index finger under her chin so she was forced to move further up the bed. Zoya is constantly at odds over whether she should tell Nikolai what shes thinking. Zoya's mind does not work like Nikolai's, she doesn't think about these bizarre tangents that Nikolai does, her brain doesn't ever turn off and whilst she may no longer be the general she once was she still has a prominent position within the second army. Strategising and making contingency plan after contingency plan means her brain is always working. But Nikolai had the right to know what she was truly thinking about, that she doesn't often allow herself to think about apart from in these intimate moments. These quiet times where its only the two of them, so she would tell him, "children," Zoya said so quietly she wasn't entirely sure she had said it out loud. The only reason Zoya knew he had reacted was because his heartbeat had quickened. She knew he was waiting for her to carry on, to say more but she was steeling this moment for herself, tucked away with the only other moment she had ever surprised Nikolai- when she had told him, she loved him. 

They were walking back to Zoya's room, Nikolai had been courting her for weeks, it was romantic and it was all Zoya had ever dreamed of ever since she was a girl, for someone to look at her the way Nikolai did, for someone to open doors for her to treat her like a lady rather than some thing, like a witch. He was doing everything right but something wasn't right, he wasn't treating her like Zoya anymore, he was treating her like a flower- like a lady. She had begun to grow tiresome of it and began to separate herself from Nikolai, subconsciously or not, she was doing it. And Nikolai was picking up on it, "Zoya have I done something wrong?" Nikolai asked as they approached Zoya's bedroom door. Zoya stopped for a moment and stared at her shoes wondering what her answer would be. She thought maybe she should just carry on and let him make the mistakes, but she would never let him do that in normal circumstances so why in the name of the saints would she start now? "Nikolai you're doing nothing wrong, yo're doing everything right in fact everything I've ever wanted is what you're currently doing, but to me," she sucked in a deep breath, "is wrong." No doubt Nikolai had a confused look on his face and Zoya felt sorry for him, "Nikolai I fell in love with your bravado, with how you were always the boldest in the room and always the smartest. Nikolai you walk into a room and you make me feel light, you make me feel secure. I don't need you to open doors for me, I have hands," Zoya paused briefly waiting for him to interrupt but he didn't so she carried on, "I want you to treat me like you always have, I want you to love me like I love you, with no restraints just loving." Zoya breathed and looked up, to see Nikolai looking completely shell-shocked and it was at this moment Zoya realised this was the first time Nikolai had ever heard her say she loved him, "Zoya Nazyalensky i am hopelessly in love with you and my heart will forever be with you," at that, Nikolai used both hands to cup her face and pull her towards him and kiss her. She kept this memory with her forever, whenever she and Nikolai had an argument she would think back to that beautiful memory and know that arguments are temporary but his love is forever. 

She was currently storing this moment away aswell, the second time she ever shocked him this much, "would you care to elaborate?" Nikolai had meant to sound cool and level headed but he had failed. Zoya would never know how much having children meant to Nikolai but she was about to find, "how many we'll have," Zoya felt Nikolai both relax and tense all the space of 4 seconds. Nikolai could not help himself, he jumped out of the bed and started dancing about their room causing Zoya to chuckle and redden on the top of her cheeks. Nikolai was running around the room like an excitable young child, "Zoya, my darling wife you can't understand how much I love you and how happy you make me." Nikolai walked over to the bed and forcibly pulled her out whilst she gave a fitting protest. But she did give in and eventually sagged against him laughing, "Nikolai put me down," she wriggled slightly, "what will you do if I don't?" Nikolai teased, "I can survive without you between my legs for a week Nikolai," Zoya purred, "but can you say the same?" her smile turned devilish and Nikolai's eyes turned wild, "don't tease me moi tsaritsa," Nikolai bit at Zoya's lower lip turning around and placing her slowly on the bed, "you know I hate being teased," Nikolai drunk up the image of his wife and constantly has to remind himself, he can touch her, she did give him permission. This was what happened between them, they would look at each other and realise how lucky they truly are and how lucky they are to trust one another so fully and to love each other so wholly. Zoya stared back at him, "then take it moi tsar," her devil smile was back and he loved that smile.


End file.
